I'll admit, I make mistakes. I practice poor judgement once in a while. That's how I learn. I am, after all, human. But I'm definately not beyond saying, "Maybe I'm wrong??" This, as far as Webster is concerned, is being receptive to arguments or ideas, otherwise known as open-mindedness. It seems so basic, so instinctual, but I'm beginning to think I might just be! Wrong that is. Why else would it seem as though so many people are so scared of change or variety?? They practically defend themselves like scavengers, with a primal instinct to remain comfortable, when someone offers a contradicting point of view. What's amazing, and few people tend to give as much credit as is deserved, is we are all free to have our own opinions. We are all allowed to screw up, or brag when we do exactly the right thing. In reality, the majority of society isn't on the brink of exile when someone makes a simple miscalculation. We are a family, us humans. We are sympathetic, for the most part. We want the best for each other. So why are some people so dead set on their own ideas??
Seriously, some people turn werewolf-like, in defending their own perspectives. If it's not their way, it's not right. And this just kills me. I'm very open-minded. I'm not judgemental. But many times, I feel bogged down by other's discretions. I remember being a teenager and thinking how much I just don't care what other people think. I was, for lack of a better term, naiive to everyone's opinions. My family would be flabbergasted at my actions. I earned "Most Unique Style" senior year. I wore a homecoming dress on top of a prom dress to biology, one regular day in high school, and you know what?? No one put me down. No one said I was crazy. No one whispered. Instead, underclassmen came up to me and said how beautiful I looked. I made it through an entire day as if nothing was out of the ordinary. And now, people's priorities seem to overwhelm my own. How does that happen??
I think it's because, I'm not the only one who's aged. With every birthday I blow out the candles, everyone else gains a year too. And like I remember all the old people saying when I was younger, "Older people are set in their ways." I think they were right, but I think "older" comes at 26. Out of college partying. Out of the parent's house. Every action impacts every responsibility, therefore people tend to think, maybe overthink, each movement. Now, everything I do is possibly, if not almost immediately, a mistake. All because I'm 27. I have a kid. I should be more conservative. I should stick with what works.
And what I think...Screw that. I'm going to follow my gut instinct, because like so many times before, my gut was right whether I followed it or not. And this is a new bravery I've encountered. Normally, I tried to make everyone who I respected happy. Now, not so much. I'm tired of feeling obligated. I'm tired of feeling incapable and dumb. Now, like my repetitive M.O., don't do it if you're not proud of it, and if you do it, be proud. It's time to be convicted. It's time to move past the haters and be the most successful ME I could ever be. I will remain respectful, because one should always be respectful no matter what, but how can I be truly happy when I if I'm living by someone else's rules??
I think we all have those people. The ones who always have to tell you "what they would do" or, "if I were you" even though you didn't ask. The ones who criticize even the things they hear through the neverending "Telephone" game. Our family. Our best friends. And after however many years of the constant buzzing, we still feel guilty after not explaining the ins and outs of why we decided to eat a fatty In & Out Burger instead of a chicken salad that one weekend we didn't spend with them. We feel indebted because these people care about us, but there's always that question in the back of my mind. If they really care about me, why do they constantly pick me apart?? Why am I always under the microscope?? Why can't I get away with anything the way other people do??
I heard a very wise woman tell a young man in the same situation, if he want's to be accepted the way his goof-off brother is accepted, then change everything that is him. Act without caution. Make a fool of yourself. Because the only reason everything is acceptable for the brother is because the standards for him are so low. The expectations barely exist. Almost to the point of "my mama says I'm special." When you are smart and daring and strong, people feel like you don't need sympathy. Like your skin is thick enough to be poked and prodded with everyone else's sharp tongues. If we thought about it with a serene mind, this is a compliment. But it's a backhanded compliment. Like imitation being the best form of flattery. That's what these insecure people don't understand. By overestimating out strength, they are testing how strong we really are, so they can be like, "Ooh, I said this, and they just cracked!! I couldn't believe it!!" Bragging rights.
If we don't offer these bragging rights, something has to change. If we remain strong and level-headed, and don't give into the constant drama, these people will figure out their desperation, or implode. Either way, the change is welcomed. I know I've challenged more than one thing in this, but I think these situations go hand in hand. I don't want to let other people's insecurities bring me down. Like someone close to me always says, be the person you are. Your actions aren't a reflection on anyone else. They're a reflection of you. Be you. Live you. Respect, but respectfully ignore the people who are so threatened by your strength. I think, eventually you will surround yourself with others like you, and the drama will subside.
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