Now, to roundup and conclude the parental situation, my mom stayed that way. She stayed forgetful. She stayed silly. She stayed somewhat in the form of a four year old. My dad, also, stayed the same. The sober increased. The drunk decreased. What did change, however, was the polite. As time went on, my dad's patience with my forgetful mom ran thin. The ugly words came back. But this time, my mom didn't fight back. She didn't remember how to. But she learned. The frequent practice of bickering and yelling taught her to yell again. Not nearly as effectively (at least, what I thought was effective when I was a child) but she yelled back. And these are my parents today. A naive, innocent, forgetful, and sometimes as annoying as a pesky 4 year old mother, and a dad who rarely drinks, but when he does, he does it right. In the last couple "drunks" as he calls it, he actually suffered alcohol poisoning, nearly died from a piece of meat being stuck in his throat for a week, and half of his face stayed numb for about a month. For some reason, he won't swear it off. It will be the death of him.
As I proofread my posts, I realize that I left out the entire rest of my family in all of this venting. I did have five brothers and sisters during all of this, where did they fit in? They impacted me as well, both positively and negatively; I guess just not as loudly. So, here's the condensed version of the most memorable sibling moments.
Oldest sister. I wasn't extremely impacted by her as a child. Moreso, it was her children I was close to, as we were the same age. She, too, had an abusive and addicted husband from a young age. But I do remember she was beautiful. And she had a laugh you would never forget. She finally left the jerk after a handful of ugly years, met another stand-up character, and moved away to Japan with him, taking my best friends; my nieces. That was pretty much the extent of my childhood memories with my oldest sister until recent years, where in her early 40s she was diagnosed with colon cancer. This is when I really learned who she was, and what she stood for. She was sooo much like me, and I felt like someone really understood me finally. But then, she was taken from me. I was struggling with a brand new baby in a toxic period of my relationship, and I got what was to be the last phone call I would ever get from her. I could barely understand her because she was so sick from the cancer, and I was so mad that she couldn't just get over it like my mom did. I was just getting to know her and she was the only one who understood me. But nothing changed anything. She passed away in the next couple of days. It was only a bit later I received the baby blanket she made for my little Stinkyface. Needless to say, that was just a couple of years ago. The healing is still in the process.
Second oldest sister. Again, not many memories. I remember, again, that she was beautiful. I also remember her as tough. She wouldn't be bullied. She fought back the most against my belligerent father. I thought she was so brave. And she had some of the cutest kids. Again I was close to my nephew more than my sister, but I remember her fondly because she had a pet name for me. She unfortunately was hindered by addiction as well, and I got to see her very randomly and with very different attitudes. I remember the day I stopped thinking she was so wonderful and protective with my dad, as if it were yesterday. That was the day I realized she was an addict. Needless to say, I didn't see her for around 10 years until just recently. I feared I would never see her again, and I am now very thankful that she is safe and we are in contact. But, she missed so much. And, she missed the passing away of my sister; her sister. Again, the healing is still in the process.
Oldest brother. He was definitely around. He was loud. Obnoxious. Handsome. Funny. We shared the same birthday, 15 years apart. I loved his girlfriend, who became his wife. I loved his children like they were mine. And then reality hit. He too, was an abusive alcoholic addict. He had serious problems. This is when I really started to worry. I didn't understand why all of these people had these addictions. I didn't even understand addiction. Just stop! Why can't you just stop? But he couldn't. He tried. And then he didn't. It was so sad to watch so many great people around me turn into monsters that I knew wasn't really them. But there was nothing I could do or say to change anything. Fast forward. My brother is still loud, obnoxious, handsome and funny. We still share the same birthday. He is still an alcoholic addict. Really, the only thing that has changed is that he is no longer married and I missed out on a bunch of years with some of my favorite nieces and nephews...of course, that is the case with almost all of my nieces and nephews.
Second oldest brother. He was so much fun. He flew all of us on his legs and did flips. He taught us how to play all of the latest video games, and when I was a teenager, he would let me hide in his room and use the computer or watch the latest dvd. He never became an addict or even drank an ounce of alcohol as far as I knew. But, we never really became too close. Just pleasant sibling encounters.
Third oldest sister. This was my closest sibling. She admittedly hated me when I was little. I stole her thunder. All of a sudden, 7 years later, she wasn't the baby anymore. But I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to do what she was doing. I wanted to tell her all my problems. I wanted, again, to do her homework for her. With her, I have the most memories. We fought dirty. She got in trouble for it. She would get in trouble at the dinner table, or coming in late as a teenager, and I would think of some way I could take any of her trouble and put it on me instead. That never worked. She talked back and stood her ground, even if it was within moronic teenage reasoning. I admired that. When what happened to my mom happened, my sister controlled what she could of the situation. That's what she did. She controlled. Again, I admired that. She kind of became my mom. She made sure I got to school, did my homework, got A's. She payed attention to me and my moods, and would drive me around until I finally told her my problems, and force me, then, to eat ice cream until I felt better. Okay, maybe not forced. But I did the same for her. I interviewed her boyfriends; her friends even. I made her open up and communicate, something controllers don't like to do. Fast forward. We have kids at the same times. We promote each others healthy individualism. We vent to each other. We joke together. Basically, we're two decently adjusted products of our environment, who subsequently became great friends through it all. I'm thankful I've had her through it all.
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