Ain't In No Hurry

I know, it sounds funny coming from me. But today I realized a few things. I realized that I'm a different person than this person putting myself completely last. I also realized other people think the same. I realized that all of my views of the world when I was a teenager were right. I realized I could change everything by a change of mind.

That realization made me feel powerful. I feel powerful when I box. I feel powerful when I run. I feel powerful when someone recognizes my work, whether it be art, business, or even cooking. Other than that, I realize, I rarely feel powerful in my position. But that wasn't the story when I was a teenager, or even a twenty something for most of those years. That is something that is going to have to change!!

So of course, I start to compare. What was different when I was younger?? How did I act different?? Dress?? Think?? And in all of this reminiscing, I remember. I had morals that weren't worth anyone. There was nothing that was going to keep me from my beliefs. And through the years, I lost that, somehow. It wasn't a moment. Nothing random that happened that I could remember.

To be honest, the real first change was kids. They make you think different, even when you're only pregnant. But even more-so when they're alive and making judgments and rehearsing the actions they see. And I thought moving cats back and forth was hard!! It's imperative to show them positivity and responsibility.

The next change is when you start to truly believe you are the answer to someone else's problem and begin to trust that if you give them completely everything, they will change and reciprocate. That is and will never be the case, no matter how much "potential" they show.

After that, the only other thing I can attribute to the lack of standing up for my morals would be not having a support group, which is adversely affected by the first couple of changes. Friends change as you do. Either you have kids and they don't. They have kids and you don't. You move to two completely different towns. Your jobs have opposite hours. Whatever. It happens. And, I've learned, unless you can figure out how to really put an emphasis on these friendships, they dim out, unfortunately. I, sadly, only just figured this out. Not everyone is the same, therefore, not everyone is like me.

Needless to say, through these realizations, all sparked and pushed from different sources, I've really been led to believe I'm on the right path. I feel so clear. Like I can see everything. Like I did before. And I'm acting accordingly. I'm pursuing my friendships, the way I should have in the first place. I'm pursuing my dreams the way I should have in the first place. I'm learning how to curve the drama, the way I should have known how to earlier.

But what is amazing about growth, is that there doesn't seem to be any remorse. I'm grateful I've finally figured out what I have. I'm not beating myself up for not knowing in the first place. In fact, I am unapologetic to the point that I'm not rushing change so much. Its apparent that the more I realize, the clearer and faster the changes happen. Although, I do miss many things, friendships, relationships, whatnot from when I was a little younger; I know that life will work itself out as long as I pursue the positive and moral path for my own beliefs.

I ain't in no hurry, in general, to fix everything. I am learning so much from the journey and able to apply a lot of the ideals from my "lessons" to my life immediately, so that my path is changing before my eyes. It's a happy feeling and I'm excited to see where I am only next week. Until then!