Alright. I guess it's been a little over a week since I've last blogged. Just another example of how fast time goes by. And so many blog-worthy things have happened in the matter of the month that has just passed in the blink of an eye, so how do I choose what to write about? Well, the way I do it is to pretty much just let go, and what I feel most passionate about at the moment is what I'm going to write about. So on that note, lets get on to some passion!!
I know the cycle my life takes. It seems to do the same thing over and over again, just with different faces and trends. So much so that I wonder "What's the point?" because after I date a guy, I lose my friends for one reason or another, lose myself quickly after, feel depressed and have one glass of wine extra each night and then get out and come back to a lonely, personally starved, me. By now, I've come to realize this is the unforgiving fate I'm to live with, but my question is, if I obviously can't pick men, (goes without saying) why can't I find unconditional friends??
I read a blog recently about the token "friend" who is so totally co-dependent, so that she always wants to hang out and be a part of your life until that one day she finds herself a boyfriend. Then she disappears off the face of the planet until the boyfriend inevitably breaks up with her and just as soon as you've finally gotten used to your life without her, wants to be your BFF again since Buster isn't around anymore. I know for a fact this is not the story of me. I always try to incorporate my boyfriends into my friends, and usually in one direction or another, the two teams just don't mesh. (Should be a first sign, eh?)
Now, my friends have always had their own drama they bring to the plate, but we live in unison for years and years without problems, until that guy pokes his little head in. I know all the clinical excuses for this behavior. Loss of self-esteem. My idea of love was learned from my parents. Blah, blah, blah. But why don't my friends slap me?? Maybe kick me in the groin?? Why am I always left to my own degradation?? Why don't they care about me enough not to let me lose them?? Does this say something for the friends I pick, or is it my own naivete??
I'm now by myself, trying to salvage what friends I still can contact, promising myself this will never happen again (just like I did last time) but knowing I'm changing things. I know what I need to do about the guy, but do I need to do as my sister advises and clean out my friends closet and start new there too?? I just don't know if it's me or them, and I probably never will.
2 comments:
If your friends are real, they will come back. Even after growing apart due to drama, of each her own. But the real test is to never have to grow apart, work with each other to keep that relationship solid, know that your friendship is strong enough to make it through the drama. But know that r elationships like this don't come along often. They're almost as rare as a good significant other.
If I was your friend, I'd slap you. :)
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