Insert Cheesy 90s Love Song Title Here

I love to cook. I'm a professional chef, in my own MoonsandCookies world. I know how to mix and use raw spices and herbs. I know my way with practically every Henckles knife known to man. And, therefore, I like to challenge myself. I try almost every recipe that crosses my path. I sometimes have to google certain ingredients, but I never let anyone know that! Needless to say, I base my grocery list on a compilation of recipes I hunt down in the endless array of cooking and lifestyle magazines that float through my mail slot. To start off 2012, I started going through the gigantic stack of magazines, looking for the perfect grouping of recipes to feed my family for the next two weeks. As I got through the first four, with a mounting grocery list, I came across my Women's Health magazine. I figured now was as good a time as any to go through these magazines and purge them to make more room for recipes. Then, as engulfed as I've ever been in Women's Health, I came across a picture of a woman and a man cuddled together, about to kiss, on the cover of the "Sex and Love" section. And in my spastic mind, it brought me back to something I was actually still awake to see on the NYE countdown.

On the Dick Clark special, they put together a bunch of different Top 5's as compiled from Facebook statuses. One of these were the Top 5 New Year's Resolutions as discussed on the social networking site. You know what beat "lose weight?" "Get into a relationship" beat it. I was flabbergasted. Why would someone resolve to be in a relationship?? Is society made up of a bunch of dependent and co-dependent people so desperate to be in a relationship that they would make that more of a priority than healthy eating and adequate exercise? I don't get it. Maybe it's because I have had nothing but bad luck in relationships. Maybe its because I'm very independent and stubborn. Maybe it's because I have kids and they take up all of the time I might be spending daydreaming about Prince Charming, had I not had kids.

And of course, this is when I really started to break it down and over-think things! The people in the picture looked like they were in love. They looked like all they wanted, in that moment, was to be next to each other forever. Yes, I know its a photo staged with professional models, whose expressions are meant to compel the reader not only to read the article, but also to believe every word as if it were written on stone by God. But, hypothetically, if that was real sentiment, I want some. I, after much consideration, would love to share that feeling with someone. I would love to have someone in my life who supports me 100% and shares real love with me.

I was in love once, I think. I felt like I always wanted to be with him. The drama and passionate fighting was never enough to make me second guess if I wanted to be with him or if there was someone else out there for me. You know, if the grass was greener. I never even looked at another male. I was in love. Of course, I was also 18. Still a baby, even though I could change the world through a hole punch on a ballot. I could get pregnant. I could choose to blacken my lungs to death if I wanted to. But I'm pretty sure we all know 18 is a little immature for love. Still, I was with him for over a little over 5 years. I got a ring. And then, I left. He chose other hobbies that didn't fit into my life and I was forced to end it. I cried for a year straight. And finally, I healed.

I've been in other long term relationships, none in which I was nearly as enamored, all just as drama filled. So obviously, I've pretty much ruled out love as a real thing. I figure, you find someone you can basically deal with, and go from there. Do your own thing. Take care of the kids. Sleep. Eat. Live another day. I've believed that there's no such thing as the love you see in magazine photos or Shrek trilogies. That's fantasy, like Puff the Magic Dragon, Harry Potter, or The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Stories. Stories that you can feel. Smell. Taste.

But now, after much deliberation, I think I want to find that too. I want to feel, smell, taste that kind of magic. I want to be the girl in the picture. And if it's not real, what do I have to lose? And if it is?? In essence, the whole idea mimics that of spirituality and religion. It's all about faith, and living all the time you don't know for sure to the fullest. So I've banished the idea that love and the desire for a relationship is only for the dependent and weak minded, and I've now added it to my list. Not a list of resolutions, because it's silly to resolve to do something mostly out of your control, but on my list of what I want. What I want to know is real. What I want to be positive about. I hope that you, too, stay positive, whether you are in a loving relationship and just trying to get over that hump of struggle, or if you're like me and have just had bad luck/judgment/series of unfortunate events. Cheers to 2012!