How Do I Love You?

I love you. I don’t think you know how much I love you. 



And you don’t have to.  You don’t have to know how I think about you constantly.  You don’t have to know how I wage war with depression every day just to go to a job I don’t like, so I can pay for us to have a decent house and decent clothes.  You don’t have to know about the battles I fight so I can pay for your sports and arts.  You don’t have to worry about what I deal with so I can take you traveling and buy you things I know you want but will never use.



It’s okay.  It’s okay that you are emotional.  It’s okay that you are angry.  It’s okay that you are pushing limits.  Because, it’s the way you grow up.  It’s not easy in a broken home.  It’s not easy getting older.  It’s not easy dealing with the pressures of your peers, school, and separate parents. And I totally understand, and wish you understand that.



But, it doesn’t make me less human.  It hurts when you’re disrespectful.  It hurts when you’re unthankful.  It hurts when you aren’t as excited as I am just to be in the same room as me.  Sometimes, it just hurts.



Again, though, it’s not yours to deal with.  I apologize for a lot, but, I don’t apologize for loving you enough for you to hurt me.  You amaze me, and astound me, and make me laugh; every day. It’s my job to take the worries off your shoulders.  To wipe the tears from your cheeks.  To hug the stress out of your body and soul.



I love you and I want to love you. Forever. The way I loved you as a precious infant. The way I loved you as a stinky toddler. The way I loved you as the elementary school rebel. I want to always be able to love you like that. And, I will.



I love you.  I don’t think you know how much I love you.