Baller

I'm definitely not a therapist. Sometimes I think I know what a good therapist would say in a certain situation, or that most things a therapist would say are basically a level-headed spin on a common sense tactic. But then I pull a Britney, and, Oops, I did it again. I've spent many years, counting back from middle school, listening to my friends problems and uncovering the exact moment their esteem dropped or pin-pointing when they stopped thinking and started being emotional. And I'd always be the one who knew what to say and when to say it. Because I wasn't involved. It wasn't my emotions, so my common sense was level-headed. But it would always take me until I was out of my own situation until I realized what happened to myself.

I call it the Basketball Theory. In high school I played basketball. I was pointguard because I had "good ball handling skills" or so my coach said. I won "Most Points Scored" and MVP at the end of the season. That being said, I was rarely on the bench. But I remember that AH-HA bench moment. That moment that if the coach didn't take me out of the game, I would have fouled out before the 3rd quarter and my team would have lost, or I would have murdered that crazy chick that kept fouling me but never had it called. So there I was, pissed at the other team, pissed at the ref, and pissed I was on the bench. But besides being pissed, there was nothing else for me to do on the bench but watch the game. That's when I realized, Wow!! It's so much easier to see all the mistakes my players were making from over here. I'm not in an instinctual position where I act spontaneously on what I assume would make the best outcome. Instead I'm watching each series of plays calmly, and am able to deduce what will happen next without error. I then applied this theory to life. As long as I'm sitting on the preverbial "bench," I can figure out what will happen if another series of actions happen prior. But as soon as I get back in the game, it takes a conscious effort to act within reason, and think logically as opposed to emotionally.

This is what ails many of the people closest to me, and myself. It's so hard to act logically when we get so caught up in the emotion. It makes us insecure. It makes us offset. It makes us defensive. And that, in turn, makes it impossible to be progressive. Have you ever been in a situation, that was Oh So familiar, and you could call each and every step before it happens, and then, you still get emotional when the inevitable happens?? This is where I'm not sure what happens between me and the Bench Theory. I sit. Wait. Think. Call it. And then BAM, I'm back-handed in the face with disappointment. With sadness. With eager tears. Even though I sat on the bench and watched it all unfold the way my experience told me it would. And why?? Why don't I understand it if I know what a therapist would say?? I know why. Because I refuse it. I hope, every time, that it will end differently. And every time it ends the same. Maybe next time I cook spaghetti, it will turn into ravioli?? Yeah, probably not.

And what's really got my mind a'turnin' lately, is that I've been talking to some of my closest friends, and I've been surprised to realize they know the answers!! Not that I've underestimated them, surely not. I think moreso that it's me with the problems, and I've just never HEARD them before. I was the shrink. Not them. And now I'm not. And they say it exactly how it is. I mean spot on. So I suppose we can all understand it now and then, or even for the most part, but we always need the support of a good friend, or therapist, to keep us on track when we're weak. Someone to hold us up when we're falling. Someone to wipe the tears when we're crying. Someone to pour the wine when we're tantruming. Now to remember, the bench isn't a place for the losers. Its where the winners reconnect every now and then to stay focused and sane.