Your Workout is My Warmup

A good friend told me "Today is your day!" So I started to really think about it. I have been so consumed with 2012 being my year, that I have been sitting around, counting the minutes of the rest of 2011. I've been lolly-gagging the last week of the year, because 2012 is my year. Not the last week of 2011. That is just the end of a not-my-year year, right?! It doesn't have to be, as I now realize.

So my New Year starts today; December 29, 2011. I am not going to just beg for the days to go by faster so that "My Year" starts sooner. That would mean that these days of my kids being as little and fun as they are would be swept under the rug. My organization practice and figuring out how to fit everything I want to do in my days would be delayed. Today would mean nothing. What kind of living is that??

My first order of business is to make my heart and head lighter. To illustrate my ideas and feelings. To give myself more esteem. I decided, today, to be insightful and inspirational, if not for others, for myself. I want to be the best person, daily, that I am able to be. I want to be organized. I want to be put-together. I want to be well-read and sound educated when I converse. These are all things, that during 2011, I've felt were not maintained at an acceptable level. And, as my 4 year old Stinkyface looks more and more like a 14 year old, both in appearance and in communicative and educational skills, I've decided this is more than a priority. This is necessary. I have to be the best person I can be, so that she will do the same.

I started to think about what it was like to be young, so I can relate more to what it is I'm teaching Stinkyface through my actions. I remember being consumed with my physical appearance and obsessing over my education and wit when I felt inadequate physically. Not healthy!! I went through months of anorexia, bulimia, and other unfortunate "dieting" routines so I could fit into society's and my own ideas of beauty. I worked out incessantly and played sports until I passed out. This is most of what I remember about being young. I, still, have moments of insecurity where I think aloud about how awful the food I eat is for me or that I have to run more because of insert-fat-body-part-here. I would devote myself to books, not because I enjoyed to read, but instead to have more knowledge about everything than anyone else. That way, when someone thought I was ugly or fat, at least they would think I was the smartest person they knew.

I definitely do not want Stinkyface, or her brother for that matter, to have these skewed and unhealthy ideals. I don't want to promote obsessive, extreme behaviors at all, especially when it has to do with health. So, as many of those close to me know, I've taken up boxing. It has become my therapist's office. I can give it all up there. I can be aggressive. I can push myself until I break. And I can pick myself back up and be proud of what I did. I'm not the best or strongest, but it doesn't matter. I'm committed and I finish every class.

But what is lacking from my personal physical approval is my diet. Sometimes I'm on and sometimes I'm off, which not only messes with my energy level, but also makes me less confident and more inhibited, which utterly ends in the demise of my goals. These are the same issues so many women battle on a daily basis, due to societal view of beauty and physicality. And I'm hoping through being more committed to a healthier diet, whether I do or I don't have the body of my dreams, I will have the confidence of my dreams, and teach my children to have the same, and maybe even some other women who come across my writing. And these mini goals give me a whole new window of opportunity for my own personal growth.

Not to overwhelm myself, I've decided to focus primarily on this today, the beginning of my new year. So far, I've been successful (of course it's only 11am, but lets stay positive!!) and I feel great about it. I feel like I'm stronger, both inside and out. I've decided to keep a fit book, to hold me responsible, and also make it easier for me to understand and deal with things I would have normally beat myself up about in the past. This way, my kids will learn to deal with ups and downs instead of compulsively try to change whatever-it-is in any means possible. I can't wait to see where these commitments will lead me in a week; a month; even next year!! And I hope to share the journey with all of you, and hear about your own personal journeys, about diet and exercise, or any other obstacles keeping you from your personal best!!